I'll never forget u.......

Remembering You
We thought of you today,
But that is nothing new
We thought of you yesterday
And will tomorrow, too
We think of you in silence
And make no outward show
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know
Remembering you is easy
We do it everyday
It's the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.
~author unknown

today is the national day for rememberance of infants and pregnancy loss.......i've been reading hundreds of stories of mothers remembering the babies they've lost.....angie,, the author of "bring the rain" blog has invited all who have "lost" to leave a comment......there are now over 1400 people who have commented on their loss.....i have cried and cried reading them.....feeling obligated to acknowledge each and every one of them.......for i am a mother who has lost a baby too......my first baby left us in may 02.......and i will forever remember the joy i had finding out i was pregnant with him........at nine weeks we had our first ultrasound and they detected a heart malformation.......a few weeks later his little heart had stopped....i wanted that baby more than i'd ever wanted anything in my entire life.........sometimes i wonder what he would've looked like.....what his personality would be......but i know that i will hold him one day......and find comfort in knowing that he is already in the place we long to be......................i still have the video tape of his first ultrasound.....on it i can hear his heartbeat....i still have the journal i had started when i found out i was pregnant....i still have the little yellow cardigan i bought...........
i will never count this baby less then my first child......
the sadness never goes away... but it comes less frequently....recently i was in walmart...my three kiddos in the shopping cart...we were all just laughing and playing around browsing thru all the toys,, when an elderly couple walked by and smiled, then the woman said,"ur missing one aren't u?"...she meant it as a joke, insinuating that i had my hands full with these three...but my heart stopped for an instant..as i remembered my other baby,,,, and i wanted to say "yes, i am missing one".................................i'm blessed to have three children here with me .......and i know that i wouldn't have emma grace if i hadn't lost this first baby.. for i became preg with her only two months after my loss.............and thru this loss i have been able to minister to many other women and friends who have experienced the same.......tonight i pray for them and the list of over 1400 mothers who have gone thru the loss of a child........
i want to encourage those of u who may have lost and feel despair..when i became pregnant the second time i had a lot of fear and anxiety about what would happen...would i lose another baby?.. the LOrd showed me these two verses...i wrote them down and carried them around with me ...thru this i learned that it's not about what we feel,, but it's about what God's word says.......remember that our God is good.....and he is faithful.....and He is the miracle worker.....

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted" mark 9:23

""If u can?" Jesus asked. "everything is possible for him who believes."" JOb 5:9